Ways to Cope with Anxiety and Worries - Optimistic Thinking Techniques
When our minds are under the influence of negative and pessimistic thoughts, we are unlikely to achieve positive results in life. Although we all experience anxiety and anxiety from time to time, some of us experience it more frequently and intensely. If you think too pessimistically or are going through an anxious period by nature, it will be good for you to develop optimistic thinking skills. Thanks to the methods and techniques we will talk about in this section, it will be possible for you to stay positive in situations where you experience intense worry and anxiety.
There is a saying in Tibet: It is useless to worry if a problem can be solved. Worrying about it is useless if it cannot be resolved. Each of us may encounter situations that cause anxiety in life. But we know that many of our worries are unfounded ones. And we know that “We spend most of our lives worrying about things that never happen.” (Moliere)
People spend most of their lives worrying about things that never happen. Moliere
There is no surprise in this… Because the human mind learns to think by worrying from an early age. In other words, being anxious in the face of a problem is a learned and appropriate behavior. Secondly, when interpreting a situation, we often make quick inferences and often reach wrong conclusions. So many of our worries actually stem from our misinterpretation of the situations that happen to us.
One of the reasons for this is having a pessimistic and negative mindset. Being optimistic or pessimistic has an important role in determining our effectiveness and motivation in life. Optimism is more about waiting for good things to happen to us, while pessimism refers to waiting for negative things to happen to us. How do you know yourself? Are you optimistic or more of a pessimist?
According to a phenomenon known as self-fulfilling prophecy, it is seen that people who expect good things to happen to them face more positive results, while those who expect negative things to happen face more negative results to justify their expectations. Ask yourself this question right away: How old do you expect to live? (You'll probably live to that age)
Optimism vs. Pessimism
Worries and anxieties are the result of a kind of misuse of the imagination. We begin to worry when we see or expect things to be much worse, disastrous, or unresolvable than they are most of the time. In the end, we think that any effort will fail. At such times, our physical and mental energies hit rock bottom. So much so that “A day spent worrying feels more tiring than a week spent working.” (John Lubbock)
A day spent worrying feels more tiring than a week spent working. John Lubbock
If this process continues for a long time, we may even face the risk of losing our health. According to Martin Seligman, pessimists are eight times more likely to become depressed than optimists when bad things happen. Constantly negative and pessimistic thinking turns our mental paths, that is, our ways of thinking, into highways, making worry-oriented thinking permanent. Eventually, we become unable to think positively or reason towards solutions, even if we want to.
Optimists have some strengths as well as some handicaps. The most important of these is that they take an inactive attitude in certain situations and wait for everything to get better and interpret this as showing patience. This may cause unnecessary loss of time and delay in taking precautions. On the other hand, one of the most important handicaps experienced by pessimists is that they become obsessed with what could go wrong. And because they are overly cautious about the process, they lead a life on the edge. That's why they're always nervous. However, in certain situations, this approach has a win for them. For example, there are advantages of being precautionary in sports branches where life-threatening is high or in occupational groups where mistakes can be costly. After all, the main problem for pessimists is that they involuntarily spread being cautious in every area and every minute of their lives.
Strategic Optimism
Hayatın içinde her iki grubun bakış açısına da ihtiyacımız bulunmaktadır. Bernard Shaw’ın deyişiyle; topluma hem iyimserlerin hem de kötümserlerin katkısı vardır. İyimserler uçağı icat eder, kötümserler ise paraşütü. Dolayısıyla her ikisinin de güçlü taraflarını kullanabilmemiz mümkündür. İyimserliği ve bir parça önlem odaklı olmayı, yerine göre kullanabileceğimiz bir strateji olarak görmeyi düşünebiliriz. Stratejik iyimserlik, ne zaman iyimser olunacağına ve de ne zaman iyimser olunmaması gerektiğine karar verebilmek demektir. Gerçekçi bir iyimserlik yaklaşımıyla, yersiz endişelerden sıyrılabilir, moralimizi yüksek tutabilir ve çok daha eylem odaklı bir tutum sergileyebiliriz.
Whatever happens to us, we have infinite freedom in how we interpret events. So why not evaluate them in a more positive and optimistic way? From a realistic point of view, we can train our minds to see the bright side of things. When we do this, it is certain that we will feel much better and much more motivated.
Learning Optimism and Coping with Pessimistic Thoughts
We need some practical methods and techniques to train our minds on what to think and how. In his book “Learned Optimism”, Martin Seligman (2007) includes important information about coping with pessimistic thoughts and developing optimistic thinking skills.
Accordingly, first of all, we need to be aware of the pessimistic thoughts in our minds. There are two simple ways to notice such thoughts. First, we can take a look at the emotions we are experiencing at that moment. Negative emotions are a reflection of pessimistic thoughts. If you're feeling pessimistic, it's only because of negative thoughts. Try writing down the thoughts that cause these feelings on a piece of paper. So you can notice them better.
If you are sad, in the past; If you are anxious, in the future, and at peace, you are living in the present. Lao Tzu
When we are worried, our mind is focused on a negative outcome that may happen in the future. A mind that is constantly wandering in the future can never fully reflect its potential. When your mind wanders to pessimistic thoughts and you need to focus your attention on what you are doing urgently, you can try these methods.
(1) When you can't help thinking negatively, say "CANCEL" or "STOP" and clap your hands together. Do something to change your focus physically. For example, wash your face with cold water, start running or sing loudly.
(2) Take a small object, such as a pencil, rubber ball, or similar, and examine it carefully for a few seconds. Hold it in your hand, make a sound, throw it. Taste and smell if possible.
(3) Anxious thoughts have a purpose. These thoughts prompt you to do something about it. Just take five minutes and immediately ask yourself what is the smallest thing you can do about it. If possible, do that action.
(4) If you are not currently in a position to do so, write it down on a piece of paper, promising to take care of it sometime in the future. Sort of, make an appointment with the situation you're worried about.
Anxiety and Worrying Thoughts Opposition Model
If these worrying thoughts are causing deeper distress within you, you can apply Seligman's (2007) “Oppose” model when you find a suitable time. Accordingly, realizing that our thoughts are just thoughts and that they may not be real, we follow the four steps in order to question their correctness.
(1) Look for Evidence: The first step to countering negative thoughts is to prove them wrong. Ask yourself, what is the evidence for and against this idea? Most of the time the truth will be on our side. Because we humans love to write disaster scenarios. For example, a close friend has not answered your phone for several times. You started to think that he was offended by you or that something had happened to him. In this case, what you can do is look for evidence of this thought.
(2) Bring Alternative Explanations: The second step is to find alternative explanations. Why not have an alternative explanation of the event that caused your pessimistic thinking? Ask yourself what other explanations might be for this situation. After generating several alternatives, return to step one and review the evidence for each. It is possible to provide different explanations for the reason why your friend in the example does not answer the phone.
(3) Don't Turn Your Deduction into a Catastrophe: The third step is not to turn your conclusion into a disaster. So ask yourself, even if the reason for my pessimistic thinking is true, what is the worst that could happen, is it the end of the world… Your negative thinking may also be true. Even if your pessimistic scenario is real, the best thing to do is never turn it into a disaster scenario… Socrates says: “If you want to get rid of your worries, accept that the thing you fear most about life will happen to you one day.
(4) Question Its Usefulness: Often pessimistic thoughts haunt us at the most vital times. What you need to do in the last step is to question whether it's any good for you to think about that problem right now. For example, you are climbing a rock and you have catastrophic thoughts about how bad it would be to fall from a rock. That wouldn't be good at all, would it? Instead of thinking about it, you are at the moment when you need to fully concentrate. Even the smallest mistake can cost you your life. In such a case, you can use the focus shifting methods we provided at the beginning.
Try to apply this four-step “opposition” model and the focus shifting methods we suggested before to your pessimistic thoughts when you need it. You will see that it works.
The Power of Action
All these methods we have described will mostly work for you as an intellectual technique. However, there is another effective way that strengthens and complements their impact: It is to take action… Taking a small step towards something you worry about frees you up and releases your mental energy. There is nothing more comforting to your soul than knowing that you are doing your best when you are worried. Your efforts may not yield immediate results; but the effect of the inner peace it will provide you will be enormous.
In this regard, you can try to follow a three-step process. Try to name the thing that worries you first. Define exactly why you are worried… Go to step two and try to do just a little something about it… This effort need not completely solve the problem you are worried about; it is enough to take a small action on it… The third step is to set a transaction limit for it… You can spend only 10 minutes on what you are going to do or aim to complete 2 pieces of work. For example, the thought that occupies your mind is a project that you need to finish but never started. Don't think about finishing it in one fell swoop, just decide to start the job and dedicate only 10 minutes to it. This little thing you do will make you feel good. If you do not set a transaction limit, what you are doing will not be enough for you and will continue to cause discomfort. When your time is up, stop what you're doing and start dealing with something else. That is all!
All these methods and techniques that we have described so far will be of great benefit to you when you experience intense anxiety and anxiety. As you develop your optimistic and positive thinking skills, you will find that you are better able to deal with pessimistic thoughts. And as a result, you will find that you can stay stronger in situations that cause you anxiety. Stay with love.
References:
Martin EP Seligman (2007) Learned Optimism (Trans. Semra Kunt Akbaş) HYB Publishing, Ankara.
Tayfun Topaloğlu (2019) Motivational Genius, Cinius Publications, Istanbul.
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