Living in the Mind

Living in the Mind

Living in the Mind The human mind lives not so much in reality as in the interpretations it produces about reality. This is what living in the mind is like. The mind, which dislikes gaps, fills in everything it doesn't know with stories. Most of the time, these stories are based on assumptions rather than facts. We look around and see that there is no concrete problem, yet our mind has already set up a court, judged, and passed sentence. Especially when it comes to relationships, our assumptions quickly turn into convictions, and convictions turn into emotional reactions. In the end, we experience a life that we live in our minds. .’in . A story adapted from Paul Watzlawick's book The Guide to Unhappiness vividly and ironically illustrates how a person can create conflict with their own mental constructs.

A man wants to hang a picture on his wall. The picture is ready, the nail is ready. The only thing missing is a hammer.
He realizes he doesn't have a hammer at home and pauses for a moment. “I'll ask my neighbor,” he thinks to himself. His downstairs neighbor is sure to have one.

As he walks toward the door, his mind begins to work.

“I wonder if he's home?”
“We ran into each other on the stairs yesterday, but he didn't really say hello...”
“Could he be mad at me?”
“Maybe he thinks I'm arrogant.”

My steps slow down. The scenario grows.

“Maybe he’s upset with me because of what I said at the apartment meeting last month.”
“Maybe he thinks I’m opportunistic for asking him for a hammer.”
“Who knows, maybe he’s laughing behind my back, saying, ‘The guy can’t even get a hammer.’”

The mind has ceased to be a tool for speculation and has turned into a courtroom. The neighbor is in the defendant's chair, but there is no evidence. Only assumptions.

The man's inner voice hardens:

“Ne biçim insan zaten! Selamı bile zor alınıyor.”
“He definitely won't help.”
“Maybe he'll open the door and slam it in my face, saying ‘No’!”

When he arrives at the door, he is no longer the calm person who wanted to hang the picture. He is filled with pent-up anger. He rings the bell. The door opens.

Before the neighbor can even say, “Yes?” the man explodes:

“I don't want your hammer anyway! Keep it for yourself!”

He slams the door and goes upstairs.

The hammer is still gone. The picture is still not hung. But the man climbs the stairs with a strange sense of righteousness at having reacted to the story he had constructed in his own mind.

The tragic thing about this story is this: While there is no conflict in reality, a story constructed in the mind turns into a real conflict. People think they can guess what the other person is thinking; yet, most of the time, they reveal their own fears, insecurities, and prejudices.