10 Effective Ways to Cope With Problems
Bu video eğitimde sorunlarla baş etmenin 10 etkili yolundan bahsediyorum. Her bir adımda sizlerle paylaştığım koçluk teknikleriyle çözümlere biraz daha yaklaşacak, kendinizi sorunlara karşı daha dirençli bir hale getirebileceksiniz.
10 Effective Ways to Cope With Problems Video Eğitimi
We all face many problems, big and small, throughout life. Sometimes things go well and we manage to find solutions to our problems. Sometimes we cannot find a solution and get used to living with them.
These days, you may be trying to get rid of carelessness, perhaps indifference, or a nuisance you fell into when you had no fault. It does not matter! You may be at the very beginning of a problem or at some stage of solving it. Maybe you are looking for solutions to the problems of the organization you work for right now. If you can somehow stop blaming the past, the circumstances, or yourself, you will already realize that everything is starting to work out.
No problem in life is permanent. As I always say, all troubles come and go. If it does not pass, know that it is not a problem. Sometimes we fall into the misconception that the negative things we experience will last forever. The longer the problem lasts, the more this thought will grip us. That's why we need to focus on solutions and action as soon as possible. However, when we manage to lift our heads and look a little further, we can easily realize the days when everything will be left behind. Just try looking a little further right now.
Strong Thinking Principles
First, there must be some strong thoughts to keep in mind when dealing with a problem. We can summarize these principles that will shed light on our protection of our power as follows:
(1) More broadly, problems are the only tools that empower and develop us. The things we learn while coping with problems make us stronger throughout life. (2) No problem is unsolvable, it is people who remain unsolved. As Atatürk said, there are no hopeless situations, there are hopeless people. (3) Any solution we find should cause as few problems in the future as possible, or at least not cause greater distress than the problem itself. (4) The solution of a problem that you are dealing with must be under our control.
First of all, one or more of the ways we will talk about here will definitely benefit you in solving the problem you are experiencing right now. It may not eliminate all your problems, but you can be sure that it will bring you a little closer to the solution. As long as you listen carefully to what I tell you in this video, try to put it into practice.
Now, I want you to think about a problem you're having. Maybe you've been living with it for years, maybe you're looking for solutions to a problem that happened to you a few days ago. You can put this information into practice now by trying to evaluate all the steps I will explain in the context of this problem.
1. Make a Conclusive and Clear Decision
Showing a willingness to solve a problem is more important than anything else. Do you really want to find a solution to this problem you are experiencing? Be sincere and honest with yourself. If your answer is yes, the following sections will make much more sense to you.
There are several factors that determine our willingness to find a solution to a problem. First, the problems we experience may have secondary gains, and so we are not very willing to fix that problem. Second thing, maybe it's someone else who thinks you have a problem, not you. The third factor is that most of the time the solution to your problem is not within your control. Or that you think so. In such cases, you remain inactive and do not want to take a step towards a solution.
Tüm bu durumlar dışında, kesin ve net bir şekilde sorununuz olduğuna karar verdiyseniz, artık bunun üstesinden gelmeye başladınız demektir. Derler ki sorunlarınızdan kaçmak, asla kazanamayacağınız bir yarıştır.
The best way out of a difficult situation is to go through it. (Robert Frost) Recognizing that you have a problem and taking responsibility for it will also give you great strength to solve it. In the words of Albert Ellis, “The best time of your life will be when you accept that the problems are yours. You will not blame anything or anyone for them. And then you will realize that you can control your destiny.” It is a fact that “No one gets rid of a problem until they are willing to admit they have it.” (Joyce Meyer).
“Most people spend more time and energy going around problems than trying to solve them." Henry Ford
Alan Cohen’in deyişiyle “Bir derdinizin olması, yaşamda bir amacınızın olduğunu gösterir.” Hakikaten öyle değil mi? Eğer yaşamda güçlü bir amacınız varsa, probleminiz amacınızın yanında güçsüz kalmaya başlayacaktır. Hedef odaklı düşünmek dediğimiz şey, tam da budur aslında. Hedefleriniz yaşamınızda kutup yıldızı gibi bir işlev görür. Bu bakış açısıyla hayatınızda karşınıza çıkan her şeyi, hedefinize ulaşmanın bir parçası haline dönüştürebilirsiniz.
Şöyle düşünün; aslında hedefleriniz sadece uzakta, gelecekte duran bir şey değildir, aynı zamanda yüksekte, uzanmanız gereken bir yerdedir. Bu bakış açısıyla oraya ulaşmak için sorunlarınızı birer basamak olarak kullanabilirsiniz. Oraya zamanla değil, engelleri ve sorunları aşarak, çalışarak ve çabalayarak ulaşabilirsiniz. Dolayısıyla bu süreçte yaşamdaki amaçlarınızı bir kez daha güçlü bir şekilde anımsamaya çalışın. Eğer güçlü bir amacınızın olmadığını düşünüyorsanız, belki de bu dönem kendinize bir amaç belirlemek için, sizlere iyi bir fırsat sunacaktır.
2. Define and Clarify the Problem
Identifying a problem is half of solving it. Sometimes we resist acknowledging the problem and waste time. Sometimes the way we deal with the problem leads to bigger problems. For example, we try to ignore, ignore, or belittle the problem. Often times these can make our lives unbearable.. We know that today's problems are partly due to yesterday's solutions. (Peter Senge)
In fact, we model the way we deal with problems from our parents. We internalize their approach to problems over time and apply them to our own lives. Most of the time these models are not very functional. We continue to use them until we develop awareness and are willing to change ourselves.
“People remain unsolved not because they can't see the solution, but because they can't see the problem.” G. K. Chesterton
Now take a pen and paper in your hand and try to define the problem you are experiencing with a clear expression. For example, the following expressions are often used: My problem is that I am unwilling to study, my problem is my smoking addiction, my problem is that I get angry easily. or not making enough money. However, these expressions are not very useful for solving the problem.
Try to answer these questions: What exactly do you want with your problem? At this point, you should try to focus on the positive result. For example, instead of "I want to quit smoking", "I want to live healthy" would be more accurate. Also try to answer: Why is it important to you to solve this problem? What exactly will you get when you solve the problem? Answer each question sincerely.
If you have come this far with me, I can say that you are one step closer to the solution. Intending to solve the problem by revealing it is the biggest step towards a solution.
3. Change the Meaning of the Question
The way we approach the problem is the biggest factor that determines whether we can solve that problem or not. Joyce Chapman says, “If you perceive something as a problem, your perception is a problem. At this point, we have to face the fact that what you see as a problem may not actually be the problem itself.
Sen harika bir sorun yaratıcısın der Osho, yalnızca bunu anlaman bile sorunun kaybolması için yeterlidir. “Hayatınızdaki sorunlara bakın ve kendinize şunu sorun: Bunu ortaya çıkaran ne tür düşüncelere sahibim?” (Louise Hay) “Problemi görme şekliniz, problemdir. Asıl sorun, sorunun kendi dışımızda olduğunu düşünmemizdir.”(Stephen Covey) “Gelişmiş insan, sorunun yaşanan olayda değil, kendisinin o olaya bakış tarzında olduğunun bilincindedir.” Epiktetus
Being able to look at the problem you are experiencing from different angles will enable you to review the meaning we attribute to it. Most of the time, the wrong, exaggerated or unnecessary interpretations are the only factor that creates the problem itself. One way you can give a different meaning to the problem is to change the cognitive contexts that frame it. In this way, we can gain a different perspective on the problem by giving it a new meaning. Now, try to look at this problem you are experiencing 10 years from now. What do you notice? Does your emphasis change a little? How does your perspective on this problem change when you compare yours with other people's experiences? What do you think will be the positive impact of this problem on the rest of your life?
“I don't solve problems. First I analyze my thought process, and then the problems are solved by themselves.” Louise Hay
Tüm bunların ışığında sorununuzu nasıl tanımladığınıza bir kez daha yakından bakın ve gerekiyorsa onu değiştirin. Örneğin buna sorun demek yerine, daha pozitif bir ifadeyle tanımlamayı tercih edebilirsiniz. Bir “öğrenme fırsatı” bir “macera” ya da “eşsiz bir deneyim” desek, bizim açımızdan biraz daha motive edici olmaz mıydı, ne dersiniz?
When you look at yourself from the outside, what do you notice that is positive about yourself experiencing this problem? When you look at your life in general and focus on the big picture, how does experiencing this problem affect your life in a positive way? What do you need to say that I'm glad I had this problem in my life? Think of people who have had similar problems and have turned them into success stories. What do you think you can do differently to turn this problem into a success story? Humor can sometimes be one of the most powerful tools to prevent unnecessary meanings to problems. What do you think is the funny part of this problem you are having?
4. Are You a Victim or a Hero?
You are bigger than your problems, never forget that. Problems feed on your fears and worries. Thinking without fear will prevent you from seeing problems as bigger and more insurmountable than yourself. One way to show you're not afraid of them is to act like you're already expecting it. If you are blaming, whining or angry, you are putting yourself in the position of a victim. You know what happens to the victims. You cannot draw any useful conclusions from this for yourself. When you face the events with fortitude and take responsibility, then you have started to be the protagonist of your life.
The quality of the questions you ask yourself will determine the success of the results you achieve. At this point, you should be very careful about the language you use and the questions you ask. The longer you ask the wrong questions, the further away you get from the solution. The way you communicate with yourself, the words you use frequently, and the questions you ask yourself are the only indicators that reveal whether you are a victim or a hero in life. Here are a few examples:
- Neden böyle oldu? (Doğru soru: Bundan ne öğrendim ve şimdi ne yapabilirim?)
- Aptalca hatalar yaptım! (Doğru ifade: Bunun sorumluluğunu kendi üzerime alıyorum.)
- Bunlar niye benim başıma geliyor? (Doğru soru: Bu sorunu nasıl fırsata çevirebilirim?)
- Suçlu kim? (Doğru soru: Bunun bir daha yaşanmaması için gelecekte neyi farklı yapabilirim?)
Tibetlilerin deyişiyle; eğer sorun çözülebiliyorsa kaygılanmanın faydası yoktur. Eğer çözülemiyorsa kaygılanmak yarar sağlamaz. Korku ve endişeyle dolu bir zihin işlevini yerine getiremez. Özellikle panik anlarında endişeyle davrandığınızda, sorun içinden çıkılamaz bir hale gelebilir. Böyle zamanlarda sağlıklı düşünmek ve suların durulması için zaman kazanmak gereklidir. Örneğin birkaç defa derin nefes alıp vermeyi veya bulunduğunuz ortamdan uzaklaşmayı deneyebilirsiniz.
Eğer zihninizde temiz ve net olursanız, hayatınızda ortaya çıkan bütün problemlere çözüm bulabilirsiniz der Osho. Zihninizi netleştirmek adına daha önce sizlerle paylaştığım (Clear your mind, Wash Your Brain, Power of Now Meditation videolarımı izleyebilirsiniz. Bu videolardaki çalışmaları yaparak zihninizi biraz olsun rahatlatacak ve çözüme odaklanma becerilerinizi geliştirebileceksiniz. Çünkü biliyoruz ki:
“You cannot solve a problem with the level of consciousness that created it!” Albert Einstein
Joseph Murphy states:When you reach a stage that you call a difficult decision or when you can't find a solution to any problem, immediately start thinking constructively about it. If you're afraid and worried, don't count it out from thinking about it. To really think means to be free from fears.”
To cope with problems, you need a solution-focused mindset. Now, I want you to picture a situation where you are in a very active mental mode. If you recently had an experience where you felt mentally strong, practical, and solution-oriented, you can try to remember it again. Wouldn't you wish to be able to enter this mental mode any minute, any time you want? Who would not want that? We can use thought hats for this. A mental hat will quickly provide you with the mental change you need. Now imagine you have a hat. Specify the color and shape of this hat in detail. And imagine that you put this hat on your head by re-entering the dream a little while ago. Imagine yourself in detail with this hat that you wear when you feel mentally good and strong. From now on, every time you imagine wearing this hat, you'll be able to quickly switch to problem solving mode.
5. Shine Your Mind, Think Creatively
“Sahip olduğunuz tek şey bir çekiçse, her şeyi bir çivi olarak görmeye başlarsınız.” (Abraham Maslow). Çoğu zaman problemi çözmek için uygun araçlarımız yoktur. Ya da alışageldiğimiz çözüm yöntemlerini hep farklı sorunlara uygulamaya çalışırız. Bazen de sürekli aynı şeyleri yapıp farklı sonuçlar almayı bekleriz.
“Her problemin bir çözümü vardır, sadece onu bulacak kadar yaratıcı olmanız gerekir.” (Travis Kalanick). Elbette burada sanatsal ya da bilimsel bir yaratıcılıktan bahsetmiyoruz. Ama hayatınızda ortaya çıkarmak istediğimiz her olumlu sonucun, yaratıcı bir dokunuşa ihtiyacı olacağı kesindir.
If you can't solve the problem, it's because you're playing by the rules." Paul Arden
Producing creative solutions to this problem you are experiencing will both motivate you and make it easier for you to get results. Try looking at yourself and your surroundings from a different perspective. Try to use tools that you have never used before to solve your problem. To see the relationships and connections between situations, try to take a step back and take a broader view. Look at the solution of problems on other subjects and try to find inspiration from the applied methods. Research the stories of people who have found solutions to similar problems you are experiencing.
6. Consult Your Inner Wise
Bir sorunla karşılaştığımızda, başkalarından akıl almak bazen bizlere kısa yollar sunabilmektedir. Örneğin basit bir internet araştırmasıyla bile diğer insanların çözümlerine ulaşabilir ve sorunlarınıza hızlıca çözümler bulabilirsiniz. Ancak hayatınızdaki önemli sorunun yanıtını internette ya da başkalarının fikirlerinde bulamazsınız. Bu sorunların çözümlerini sadece içinizde bulabilirsiniz.
İşte bu içsel bilgeliğinize ulaşmanın yollarından birisi de, size ilham veren bir insanı kafanızda canlandırarak onun görüşlerine baş vurmaktır. Bu kişi, görüşlerine değer verdiğiniz, belki de artık yaşamayan bir insan da olabilir, bir roman kahramanı bile olabilir. Onunla bir araya geldiğinizi, bu sorunu konuştuğunuzu ve size nasıl bir öneride bulunabileceğini hayal etmeye çalışın. Kendinize onun gözlerinden bakarak size verebileceği tavsiyeleri dinleyin. Unutmayın hayal gücünün sınırı yoktur.
Yaşamınızda size engel oluşturan bir şeyi ortadan kaldırmayı gerçekten çok isterseniz, kesinlikle bir çıkış yolu olduğuna karar verirseniz, izleyebileceğiniz bir yol ortaya çıkmış demektir, ondan sonra zafer kesindir. Joseph Murphy
Another way is to call your subconscious mind to the task before going to sleep at night and ask for the answer to this question. Joseph Murphy's suggested technique may help you: For him, sleep is a kind of counseling office. Before you go to sleep, ask the vast intelligence of your subconscious to guide and guide you. After that, maybe wait for the news that will come while you are awake. Do you want to solve a problem or find something lost? Focus all your attention on the solution and think about how happy you will be when you reach the solution. And live it how you feel. Then fall asleep.
Another method for solving the problem you are experiencing is to try to look at yourself from the outside. You can think of this problem as if it had happened to a friend of yours. Imagine giving him advice on solving this problem. Joyce Chapman also advises us: “I often recommend that people write about a problem as if it were someone else's story. This is a valuable technique for turning negative things into positives.”
7. Break the Problem into Smaller Pieces
When you encounter a big problem, Often times we get worried and don't know what to do. However, when we define the problem and look at it from different angles, we can conclude that the problem is not as scary and big as we thought. Another approach that we can use at this stage is to break the problem into small parts. When we break it down into bite-sized bites, temporally or quantitatively, it will be easier for us to swallow it. We focus on one piece at a time and increase our chances of solving the problem that seems big at first. It's like cutting a watermelon into slices and eating it. Often times, using this method is both motivating and rewarding. Now try to break down your own problem into as small parts as possible. And try taking action by focusing on the first little piece.
8. Make an Action Plan to Solve the Problem
What many people actually need is a roadmap to resolution. So it's important to have an action plan that shows you what steps to take. First, consider all your options. Review the resources you have available. Think of people you can get help or advice from. For example, it would be helpful to draw a mind map on a piece of paper. Visualizing the steps you will take will make it easier for you to see the whole. Identify the pros and cons of each option for the solution. Reveal their commonalities and differences. In this way, instead of choosing just one, you will be able to combine your options and reach a better solution.
Ayrıca şu bilgileri de dikkate alabilirsiniz: Öncelikle bulduğunuz çözüm, ne kadar çok kişinin işine geliyor ve onlara bir fayda sağlıyorsa, gerçekleşme ihtimali o kadar fazla olacaktır. Mesela sizinle aynı sorunu yaşayıp üstesinden gelmiş insanlarla bir araya gelmeye çalışın. Sizin sorununuzu çözebilecek insanları tespit edin ve bunun karşılığında onların hangi ihtiyaçlarını giderebileceğinizi düşünün.
9. Take Action
The only way to solve a problem is to take action for it. Here is a motivating application: Imagine you have found a solution to this problem you are experiencing, then what would you do? Visualize that moment. Try to feel this experience with all your senses and see it in detail. What are you experiencing? Next, take an outside look at yourself having this experience. Isn't it motivating? Try to do this visualization at regular intervals. The more often you dream about this experience, the more likely it will become reality someday. The more you take action and the more results you get, the better you will feel.
Also, taking action will ease your anxiety about the problem. Ask yourself right now, what can I do about this? But this action doesn't have to be something that will solve all your problems. Just focus on solving a small part of it. Once you have already broken down the problem into parts, you will know which part to focus on to take action. This will give you morale and motivate you. If you can't take a step right now, plan your actions when you will.
“Most of the problems in life arise from two reasons; to act without thinking or to keep thinking without acting.” Zig Ziglar
10. Pursue Your Effort with Determination
If you have followed the steps described so far, I can say that you have come a long way in your problem. You may even have solved it. But of course you may need a little more time for bigger problems, this is normal. Now you at least have a system and the necessary tools. Each of the steps you take towards the solution will work and will bring you a little closer to the solution. After that, it will depend on you sticking to your plan and steadfastly following the remaining steps. Know that the moment you think nothing is working, you are much closer to the result than before. Remember, you don't drown because you fall into the river, you drown because you give up.
Jacob Riis has an inspiring anecdote on the subject. He says: When I am desperate, I go, find a stonemason, and watch him. The man may hit the stone a hundred times; but not to break, not even a tiny crack can form in it. Then suddenly, at the one hundred and first hit, the stone splits in two. That's when I realize that it's not the last hit that splits the stone, but the ones before it.
Buraya kadar anlattıklarımızı özetlersek, öncelikle sorununuzu çözmek için bir sorununuz olduğunu kabul etmeli ve bunu çözmeye istekli olmalısınız. Sorununuzu tanımlayarak netleştirmeye çalışın. Unutmayın çözümü göremediğiniz için değil, sorunu göremediğiniz için çözümsüz kalırsınız. Soruna bakış açınızı değiştirin. Bir sorunu, onu ortaya çıkaran bilinç düzeyi ile çözemezsiniz. Siz, sorunlarınızın kurbanı değil, hayatınızın baş kahramanısınız, bunu aklınızdan çıkarmayın. Çözüme yönelik alternatif seçenekler geliştirin ve hepsinin bileşiminden meydana gelen daha iyi bir çözüme ulaşın. Soruna yönelik bilindik çözümler yerine, yaratıcı çözümler üretmeyi deneyin. İçinizdeki bilgeliğe güvenin ve sorunları çözecek tüm kaynaklara zaten sahip olduğunuzu aklınızdan çıkarmayın. Çözüme yönelik bir eylem planı yapın ve sorunu küçük parçalara ayırarak, her biriyle tek tek yüzleşmenin keyfini çıkarın. Eyleme geçin ve çözüme yönelik küçücük bir adım atın. Bu size ihtiyacınız olan motivasyonu sağlayacaktır. Sonuç alamadığınızı düşündüğünüz anda, taş ustasının sabrını hatırlayın. Hiçbir sorun, kararlı çabalarınızın gücüne dayanamayacaktır. Sevgiyle kalın..
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